{"id":117,"date":"2026-08-28T07:51:01","date_gmt":"2026-08-28T07:51:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/?p=117"},"modified":"2026-08-28T07:51:01","modified_gmt":"2026-08-28T07:51:01","slug":"something-crooked-in-the-strait-part-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/something-crooked-in-the-strait-part-one\/","title":{"rendered":"Something Crooked in the Strait – Part One"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cJeeves,\u201d I said, lowering the morning paper, \u201cthere appears to be something crooked in the Strait.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIndeed, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Strait of Hormuz, I mean. The Americans want it open. The Iranians want it closed. When the Americans threaten dire consequences, they open some of it, to close the whole dashed thing all over again just when the cove in Washington begins to think he\u2019s had his way. A bit like the mouse baiting the cat, if you know what I mean. The tail wagging the dog.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI apprehend your meaning, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPrecisely. This Washington chappie, having previously taken a fairly muscular interest in the Iranian question, now wishes to talk peace, provided the Iranians first come along and ask him to. Politely, preferably on bended knee, if the morning papers have got the thing straight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA somewhat exacting posture for negotiation, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cParticularly if the negotiations run long. Plays merry hell with the patellae.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUndoubtedly, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I returned to the paper, but the news did not improve on further acquaintance. There are mornings when a fellow feels that Providence has arranged matters with unusual consideration: the bacon behaves itself, the coffee displays the old collegiate spirit, the toast comes through crisp without exhibiting that tendency to carbonise at the edges, which has soured many a promising day and one begins to think that civilisation, though perhaps not an unqualified success, is at least making a sporting effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then one reads the newspapers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe thing I don\u2019t understand, Jeeves, is whether these fellows are talking or not talking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere appears to be some uncertainty on that point, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s putting it mildly. One headline says talks are off. Another says they\u2019re on if conditions are met. A third says back-channel discussions continue. A fourth says there are no back-channel discussions at all, though unnamed sources familiar with the matter appear to know what was said at them even when they never happened. And meanwhile, everybody is issuing statements saying that the door remains open while taking dashed good care that nobody actually walks through it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA familiar diplomatic convention, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt reminds me of Bingo Little.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIndeed, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou remember his romantic career?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVividly, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEvery fortnight Bingo would appear at the Drones announcing that the thing was over. Absolutely over. No possibility of reconciliation. A clean break. The woman in question was, henceforth, dead to him and he to her. One would buy the poor fish a restorative, speak feelingly about there being other pebbles on the beach and, by teatime, discover that the recently estranged pair had become engaged.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMr Little was notably resilient in matters of the heart, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cResilient? The man\u2019s emotional life was a revolving door.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I studied the photograph accompanying the article.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat seems to be required here, Jeeves, is that everybody should return to the negotiating table while maintaining that he has done nothing of the sort.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAppearances are often considered important, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it! Nobody objects to changing his mind. What he objects to is anybody noticing that he has.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAn understandable sensitivity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And there, I suddenly perceived, was the nub, crux and essential \u201cwhatsit\u201d of the whole affair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are few spectacles more affecting than that of a gentleman attempting to leave a room with dignity after loudly announcing that he has no intention of returning. If he genuinely means to go, there is no difficulty. He collects his hat, says good evening and goes. The trouble begins when he wishes to be pursued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aunt Agatha was a recognised authority on this manoeuvre. She could leave a drawing room with the finality of the British evacuating Dunkirk, yet somehow contrive to reach the front door slowly enough for somebody to catch up and apologise. On occasions, when nobody did, she would remember an umbrella.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The great thing was that her return was never to be construed as a return. She had merely come back for the umbrella. That she then remained another forty-five minutes demolishing the opposition was beside the point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBy Jove, Jeeves! That\u2019s what they\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe umbrella.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAh.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEverybody wants to come back into the room, but nobody can afford to be seen coming back into the room. So what is needed is an umbrella.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA face-saving device, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cExactly. The Washington fellow says he\u2019s perfectly willing to talk, but only if Tehran makes the first move. Tehran says it isn\u2019t making the first move because Washington started the dashed rumpus in the first place. Everyone wants peace but nobody wants it badly enough to be caught asking for it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPride can be an expensive luxury, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked at him sharply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJeeves, you\u2019ve summed up several thousand years of human history in six words.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI fear the observation is not original, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNever mind originality. Accuracy is the thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 I returned to the paper and considered the matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf only the cove in Washington were more like Aunt Agatha.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn what respect, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHad an umbrella to go back for.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAn ingenious expedient, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Except, dash it, there\u2019s no earthly reason for the blighter to be carrying one. It hardly ever rains in those parts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAn unfortunate complication, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUnless he could leave something else behind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPossibly, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI understand the gentleman seldom wears one, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGloves?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe climate might render them conspicuous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWalking stick?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPerhaps excessively studied, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sighed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, that appears to exhaust diplomacy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor the present, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood. Because all this business of people refusing to return to tables they\u2019re plainly itching to sit down at, has kept me from the first coffee of the morning for over ten minutes, and there are limits to what a civilised man should be expected to sacrifice in the cause of international peace.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI anticipated the possibility, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jeeves, who, unlike the governments of the world, was quite capable of resolving a crisis without first issuing a barrelful of communiqu\u00e9s, poured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part 2 follows<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[A loving and respectful homage to Plum]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cJeeves,\u201d I said, lowering the morning paper, \u201cthere appears to be something crooked in the Strait.\u201d \u201cIndeed, sir?\u201d \u201cThe Strait of Hormuz, I mean. The Americans want it open. The Iranians want it closed. When the Americans threaten dire consequences, they open some of it, to close the whole dashed thing all over again just … Continue reading Something Crooked in the Strait – Part One<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellany"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=117"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":120,"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions\/120"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pratikbasu.in\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}